Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
