I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
