Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
