i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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