I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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