You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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