The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
