Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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