You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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