ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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