so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
