I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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