Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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