nut hugger
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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