What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
