I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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