Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
