Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
