You work out of a Hotel?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
