OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
