she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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