How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
