All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
