Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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