it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
