I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
