i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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