Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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