dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
