idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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