i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
