Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
