How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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