marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
