My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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