why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
