The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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