watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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