after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
