You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
