weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
