We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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