you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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