Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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