Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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