am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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