i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
