Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
