Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
