Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
