More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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