k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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