Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
