I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
