Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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