We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
