Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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