Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
