a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
