did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
