you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
