Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
