Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
