It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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