She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
