i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
