I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
