If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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