My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize