i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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