Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
