Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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