Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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