Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
