just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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