They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
