im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
