I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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