guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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