I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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