I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
