Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
