Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
